


Cinema

by NikkiGrand



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gratuitous Smut, just a little bit, kinda funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9446099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiGrand/pseuds/NikkiGrand
Summary: Tsunade thinks Sakura needs to relax, and everyone knows the best stress reliever. Need she say it out loud? Thankfully, there's this stupid mission from Jiraiya's slice of heaven and who better to send than Sakura? And, well, Team 7."What do you mean the actress doesn't want to star in the film anymore! And what do you mean you won't pay us if I don't fill in! This is porn!"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

The Scroll

* * *

**.**

**.**

If there was one thing the ninja of Konoha were universally aware of, it was that gossip traveled fast. In the amount of time it took for a person to whisper in another's ear, a certain blonde kunoichi was already gossiping to her pink haired friend about what she'd heard, and said cotton candy haired female would then casually tell her _other_ loud mouthed blonde best friend over ramen, who would move on to scream it from the top of the Hokage mountain for all the world to hear.

So it was really no surprise when Kakashi (and Genma, and Raido, and Kotetsu, and Ebisu) came crashing through _all_ of the windows in Tsunade's office to beg her for the mission scroll containing the details to _the_ A-ranked escort mission. Normally, shinobi avoided escort missions like the plague; they were more often than not uneventful, and most shinobi hated catering to snobby little lords and ladies. However, these missions were vital to the village's prosperity, and Tsunade didn't give a flying rat's ass if her ninja didn't _want_ to go on those types of escort missions—they were _going_.

And if they thought they had a choice… _well_ , she'd simply punt them through five layers of sedimentary rock for just _thinking_ they did. Besides, the Elemental Nations were in a time of relative peace, so escort missions were essentially Jonin pay for a Genin task. She couldn't fathom _why_ anyone would turn down easy money, but these younger generations were different.

Tsunade's honey eyes scanned each and every pleading eyeball (Kakashi's best impression of his summons was in full effect, that _brat_ ), then narrowed at Ebisu's pleading hands, Genma's trembling lower lip, and the other two's ridiculous glossy eyed supplicating stares with their hands clasped behind their backs.

Very different, indeed.

"What the hell do you idiots want?" She crossed her hands over her generous chest as she leaned back in her chair, watching with ill-concealed amusement as each man stumbled over each other in an attempt to speak first.

She, of course, already knew what they wanted from her—she wasn't elected as the Godaime Hokage solely for her fists of fury, y'know—but the day had been an absolute bore and Shizune had hidden her sake again.

Also, Naruto was _very_ loud.

"Tsunade-sama—er, _Hokage_ -sama!" Genma gasped from where he was being held under Kakashi's armpit, "I hear you have an escort mission for, like, right away, and, y'know I just so happen to be free—"

His sentence was cut off with a choke as Kakashi's arm tightened around his neck, and the latter man sent her that annoying eye-smile of his.

"Maa, Tsunade-sama," God, his voice was so sickeningly sweet. What happened to that pole-assed brat she met over 20 years ago? She missed him. "Genma here is actually _very_ busy spreading his germs around the village—"

_"_ _Hey!"_

" _Therefore_ , he can't go."

Tsunade raised a finely shaped blonde brow. "Is that so?"

Kakashi nodded sagely, and by the slight tensing of the muscles of his forearm and Genma's reddening face, he's determined to either strangle the poor man or make him pass out.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," he replied smoothly, voice falsely sympathetic, "It's a shame really. Genma here," Genma who was digging his nails into Kakashi's arm and practically wheezing, "is a fine ninja. I, however, am readily available. Every day. Specifically, on those mission dates."

"Kakashi," Tsunade snapped, her fingers itching to reach for the paperweight on top of her mountain of paperwork, "Let go of Shiranui or you're _definitely_ not going."

He let go of Genma instantly and took a large step away from him, his hands held by his sides, and shrugged helplessly at his friend's somewhat betrayed glare.

And to think all of this was for _porn._

Before the other three man-children in her office started pleading their cases, Tsunade pulled out five random mission scrolls from the APPROVED drawer in her desk and placed them in front of her. One of them had the details to that _ridiculous_ A-ranked mission and the others were basic escort or courier missions.

She didn't particularly care who went on the damned mission, she just wanted the buffoonery to _end_. Hell, if the mission wasn't for personnel strictly over the age of 18, she'd have already sent a team of freshly minted Genin on it for mission experience—it was that easy.

And, if it didn't pay so _damn much,_ she would have sent it back to the pits of Hell from whence it came.

Gesturing towards the five scrolls before her, Tsunade had each man choose one. They were uniform on the outside, so no one—not even she—knew what scroll contained _the_ mission. It was fair, undebatable, and hopefully they'd leave her alone.

But if Raido's disappointed face was anything to go by, she was about to be subjected to many man-tears within the next ten minutes. She heard a sniffle come from Ebisu and she braced herself; men crying over porn was never pretty and she had Jiraiya to thank for those experiences. Genma groaned as his eyes scanned the details of his scroll, while Izumo merely sighed.

The only person who was conspicuously devoid of a reaction was Kakashi.

The man calmly placed his scroll inside his hip pouch, patted it once, and then pulled out his ever-present smut novel to bury his nose in it. Well? What did his scroll say? If she were to go by how much his current attitude juxtaposed the one he had when he first crashed into her office, she'd say that he didn't get the scroll either—but she knew better. The other shinobi in the room stared at him curiously, and Tsunade sighed. Hokages help her, the man was a pain in the ass.

"Hatake," she deadpanned, exasperated at the fact that she had to ask the obvious question, and grit her teeth when the man hummed in response. She was going to ban those goddamn books and movies from her village after this, Jiraiya's legacy be damned. "Do you have the scroll?"

"Oh," Kakashi intoned, sparing her a brief glance from over his book, "yes, I do."

Tsunade nearly groaned—professionalism and appearances be damned—but instead reached for the necessary paperwork she needed to fill out stating he was undertaking the mission. The faster she briefed him on his task, the faster he'd be out of her hair with his annoying flippancy.

"Then I trust you understand the parameters of this mission, all the necessary risks, and coverable expenses," the usual mission briefing drivel was said offhandedly as she neatly scribbled his name on the forms, "This is a two-man mission, and I expect you to work with your partner cohesively and effectively."

"Ah, yes, Tsunade-sama," Oh, so _now_ the brat wanted to respect her, how convenient, "The scroll _did_ mention a two-man team."

Tsunade observed him expectantly because she _had_ just said that it was a two-man mission, but Kakashi was not one for meaningless reiteration.

"So," the silver headed man jerked a thumb at Genma, "I volunteer this snazzy ol' shinobi right here as my mission partner."

Genma gasped and placed a hand over his heart, his lower lip quivering slightly, _"Bro…"_

The boy thought he could _choose?_ Oh, how _precious_.

"No." Tsunade flatly replied as she went back to filling in the blanks in the forms. God, she hated paperwork. At this rate, she'd die of carpel tunnel or something equally as pathetic—like being bored to death. She, _the_ Senju Tsunade, one-third of the Legendary Three, dead at the hands of a papercut—imagine that?

The blonde headed woman ignored the other three's sniggers as Genma and Kakashi fired off rapid reasons as to why they should be partnered up on this mockery of a mission in favor of neatly writing the characters to his partner's name. She supposed that she should ask the other party if they'd be willing to go on the mission, but she was the Hokage—she can do whatever she wants.

Gathering the forms together and stamping them with her official seal, Tsunade was pleased with her choice. The girl needed a vacation—she was driving her crazy.

_Tsunade-shishou, what is your opinion on the Uchiha clan's ocular degeneration?_

_Tsunade-shishou! I refined your super-strength technique!_

_Tsunade-shishou! I'm in the process of reforming all of the new medics' training curriculum and then rearranging their training jackets in alphabetical order!_

Therefore, when Sakura said, " _I don't need a vacation, Tsunade-shishou! I love my job!"_

Tsunade heard, " _Tsunade-shishou, I'm totally and completely overworked but I just can't stay away from the hospital or the training grounds! Please send me on a vacation!_

Sakura was a great kunoichi and medic-nin, but the girl didn't know how to _stop._ That type of dedication and work ethic was great during wartime, but they had been in a wonderful state of peace for a long time now. There was no reason why she couldn't take a vacation, relax, and maybe _get laid for once._

God, the girl needed a good romp in the sack—maybe that way she'd spend most of her time in bed than tending to others in theirs. Their sick beds, that is.

What better way to awaken that long dormant libido than by sending her to the set of a porno and the subsequent premier?

Tsunade smirked as she felt the subject of her thoughts making her way rapidly towards her office. Speak of the devil and she shall appear, right? The girl had an uncanny way of knowing when people were talking about her.

But then Tsunade realized that it was Sakura's turn to handle the mission archives that week and her nostrils flared. The doors to her office opened and a pastel pink head peered from around a large stack of paperwork with a breathless grin.

"Tsunade-shishou!" _Don't say it, Sakura, don't you dare,_ "I've got some forms for you to fill out for the genin participating in Sand's chunnin exams this year! Then I have those statements, regarding that incident where the guard was caught— _ahem_ —engaging in _coitus_ while he was supposed to be manning the walls, that you need to read and sign. Oh! And the council has also sent you the files to every ANBU member to review for promotion."

If Tsunade were allowed to quit, she'd quit. But instead, she points at Sakura as the rosette places the stack of papers on her desk and says, "Sakura, you're going on a mission."

Then she points at Kakashi, "Kakashi, Sakura is your mission partner."

"What." Both deadpan, but Tsunade is already throwing a voucher containing their mission stipend at their heads.

"Kakashi, fill Sakura in on the mission details," she directs as both stare at her with wide eyes—Sakura more so than Kakashi—and quickly loses her patience when they open their mouths to question her.

"You're dismissed, all of you!"

They all snap to attention at her bark and, in unison, formally bow to her before turning and leaving her office. Sakura spares a look back, but quickly shuffles out when Tsunade hurls her paperweight at her head.

The blonde eases back into her plush chair with a sigh while rubbing her temples, stopping mid-motion as an errant breeze drifts through the destroyed windows and scatters most of the paperwork on her desk around the room.

"You there!" She barks at the ANBU guard stationed at her door and he snaps to attention, "Find someone to fix these goddamn windows!"

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

**.**

**.**


	2. Bitch, I am GROWN.

* * *

**Bitch, I'm _GROWN._**

* * *

**.**

**.**

If Sakura didn't know any better, she'd guess that her mentor was setting her up. But the fact is that she _does_ know better and Tsunade is _definitely_ setting her up. What for, she doesn't know, but judging by the way five grown ass men shuffle out of the Hokage building with varying expressions of childish dismay on their faces and snot-nosed sniffles, it can't be good.

Genma, a jonin Sakura vaguely remembers as Kakashi's best friend and Ino-pig's latest conquest, pats her former sensei on the shoulder consolingly as he passes by and Sakura watches with a raised brow as the other men do the same. It reminds her of the time after the war when the Rookies—one by one—offered Naruto their condolences after he found Ichiraku in shambles, and Sakura is slightly offended.

They make it seem like Kakashi being assigned to a mission with her is an awful thing when she _knows_ that it isn't. Her long buried and unfounded inferiority complex rears its ugly head at the sight, but Sakura mentally punts it back to the pits of Hell where Kaguya and Madara are probably engaging in mid-morning tea.

Sakura is a far cry away from that useless, naïve little girl she used to be; and she has recently been informally declared the strongest kunoichi in the village—aside from Tsunade, of course. That woman could be old and senile and _still_ be able to give Sakura a run for her money. Therefore, Sakura knows as well as she knows that Naruto has an addiction to MSG that she's one of the best partners to have on a mission.

More glaringly than those obvious facts is that Sakura isn't _stupid_ ; she knows damned well what mission Tsunade had just assigned the two of them to, but she really can't figure out why the man acts like he can't decide between falling to his knees in joy or misery.

A little voice in the back of her head suggests that maybe it's because Kakashi would feel obligated to behave professionally if she were around, and therefore wouldn't be able to enjoy the mission in all of its X-rated glory, but Sakura scoffs at the thought and stomps it beneath her size six heels. The man has been reading porn in front of her and pretty much the entire village since she was 12—Kakashi is the epitome of shameless.

But they've been standing in front of the Hokage tower for a few minutes now—she awkwardly shuffling her feet and Kakashi's nose still buried in his book—with shinobi and civilian alike sending them curious glances. Sighing, Sakura takes purposeful steps towards Training Ground Three where Team 7—and then Team Kakashi—has been meeting since they were Genin.

Kakashi, needing no prompting, follows leisurely behind her as they transition from the hustling and bustling of the morning rush to the well beaten path that leads to the training ground. In the distance, Sakura can hear Naruto and Sasuke taunting each other as they spar. Naruto's insults and Sasuke's scathing replies get louder as they get nearer and a fond smile curls her lips.

Sakura was technically supposed to be organizing paperwork in the hospital and the archives in the Hokage tower, and then developing ground breaking psychological treatment plans for the entire day. But instead she finds herself crossing the threshold from the forest to the open training grounds instead of doing all of that. She doesn't particularly _like_ doing paperwork, but she's not adverse to it, and she genuinely enjoys doing everything else.

"You _cheated,_ bastard!"

"I have one arm, idiot, you had the advantage. I didn't cheat."

As Naruto sputters on about how Sasuke definitely cheated because he has wizard eyes that can see more than a magic cue ball, to which Sasuke replies that Naruto has no right to complain because he's best friends with an epic fur ball, Sakura finds herself secretly agreeing with Ino's observation that Sasuke _is_ the sassy gay friend.

Except, Sasuke isn't gay. At least, Sakura doesn't think so…but then again, the air between the two men on her team has been sexually charged since, like, _forever._ Putting away the tantalizing images of Naruto and Sasuke engaging in acts she'd later fantasize about on lonely nights, Sakura calmly strides towards them as Kakashi follows.

Naruto instantly forgets about whatever it was that made him so irate and sweeps her into his arms with a flourish and an exclamation of the usual, " _Sakura-chan!"_

Sasuke nods at her and Sakura, because Sasuke—however gay he _might_ be—is still incredibly attractive with his short hair tied up lazily, can't help but track the trail a bead of sweat carves down his well-muscled chest. Naruto's also very sweaty and she feels his corded arms tighten around her slim waist as he hugs her tighter to the point where she feels every dip and divot of his body through her thin shirt.

Sakura suddenly feels awkward because her boys have become _men,_ and _hot_ men at that.

"Put me down, Naruto," she huffs and clocks him gently on the head, "Kakashi and I have a mission."

Sasuke instantly straightens up, because nothing whets his appetite more than hearing about a mission, but then subtly deflates when it registers that it doesn't include him. The others don't notice his disappointment, but Sakura is educated on all things Sasuke so she does. It saddens her a bit, because it means that Sasuke still doesn't like feeling tethered to the village and his wanderlust hasn't been sated.

"Where are you guys going?" Sasuke asks her and Sakura gives him a look, one that Naruto quickly deciphers before he guffaws.

"No way!" He wheezes in between full bellied laughs, "You two are going on _that_ mission?"

And then his laughter dissolves quickly as it finally registers in his brain that if _Kakashi_ and _Sakura_ are going on _that_ mission, it means that _he's_ not going.

 _"_ _Aw, man!"_ Naruto pouts, crossing his arms over his broad chest, "No fair! You guys are so lucky!"

Sakura doesn't think she's lucky at all; porn is something to be enjoyed _privately_ and without spectators, but a mission is a mission. Her thoughts show on her face, apparently, because Naruto starts chuckling again at her expense. Kakashi has remained mostly silent, with no desire to make an opinion on anything regarding their mission.

"What mission?" Sasuke asks and he sounds so unamused and annoyed that Sakura's realizes with a start that Sasuke _doesn't_ know about the mission because he doesn't have a blonde harpy screeching gossip in his ear about these sorts of trivial things.

He might have Naruto to talk his ear off with his infamous Talk no jutsu, but he's less of a harpy and more of a hyena, and everyone knows that Sasuke tunes Naruto out about ninety-five percent of the time.

"Seriously, teme, you need to listen better," Naruto admonishes and Sasuke twitches imperceptibly, "But they're going to escort the main star of the newest _Icha Icha_ movie, and then attend the premier!"

Sasuke scoffs, "That's it?"

 _"_ _That's it?!"_ Naruto repeats with a gasp and Sakura is, once again, reminded that as grown as he may be, he's still a pervert, "They get to watch the scenes as they're being made and everything! Oh, ho, ho~, if Jiraiya were here today—"

All eyes suddenly cut to her, and Sakura raises a brow, "What."

Naruto places his hands on his hips, all excited jealousy about the mission buried as he levels narrowed eyes on her, "You _do_ know that you have to stand guard over the actors as they film, right?"

"Yes, I know that." No, she _didn't_ know that because her stupid mission leader hasn't said one word to her!

"And you're okay with that?"

Kakashi's cool voice filters in between them and Sakura glances at him sharply. She hadn't noticed that he came to stand next to her.

"Yes," Sakura says slowly and slightly confused, "I am."

All three men of her team look at her with new eyes, as if they've never seen her before or like she's attached a neon sign to her forehead saying: _Look at me, I'm grown as hell._

Ino's voice filters through her bemused brain, reminding her of a conversation they had a few years ago.

_"_ _I'm telling you, Forehead, Shikamaru and Chouji thought I was a virgin until I blatantly told them I wasn't. Could you believe that?! They really thought that I was waiting on Sasuke! As if!"_

Sakura remembers choking on some sushi rice that had gone down the wrong pipe because _really?_ The day Ino held out for some runaway piece of ass in a village full of even nicer asses was the day Sakura quit as a medical ninja.

As in, unlikely.

 _"_ _And, get_ this _, they thought they couldn't talk about sex around me because they thought I couldn't handle it! Ha! I'm_ twenty! _Who do they think I am:_ Hinata?!"

And then, all of a sudden, it dawns on her. So _that's_ why Kakashi was acting weird about the mission! And _that's_ why Naruto and Sasuke are looking at her so strangely.

Oh, how _precious._ Who do they think she is? _Hinata?!_

"Sakura," Kakashi starts, his book lowered and his intense grey eyes regarding her, well, _intensely,_ "Are you sure you can handle this mission? I understand if it makes you uncomfortable."

And Sakura can only sigh exasperatedly because they don't know any better and it's not like she talks to them about her sex life—that honor is solely reserved for Ino and Tsunade.

"Guys," she huffs gently, her arms crossing over her modest chest as she shakes her head, "I'm twenty-three."

When she sees the unspoken _so?_ in their eyes, Sakura elaborates, "Do you _really_ think I'd hold out for this long? I mean, _really?"_

Sasuke's mismatched eyes widen and his jaw goes slightly slack, as do Kakashi's, but it takes Naruto a few moments to understand and when he does, he just about has an aneurism.

Hands flying to pull at his hair, Naruto screeches, "What?! Sakura-chan!" Then he lowers his voice when he sees a tick forming in her brow, "You mean you've—"

Sakura cuts him off, "Yes, I've had sex before; so, no, the mission doesn't bother me because sex is _natural."_

Poor Naruto looks dismayed at the fact, as if someone has just crushed his hopes and dreams, and Sakura has a miserable, terrifying thought that if Naruto has been waiting for her, then that someone is _her._

"B-but," Naruto sputters, oceanic eyes darting between her and Sasuke, "I thought you were waiting for _this_ bastard."

He jerks his head in Sasuke's direction and Sakura outright laughs because, _wow_ , they're so _precious._ Sakura, though she can admit that Sasuke is quite beautiful and handsome and everything she could aesthetically want, has outgrown her parasitic love for the man years ago. She still loves him, but not enough to lose herself like she once did.

Sasuke glares at her as she laughs and somehow it makes everything even _funnier_.

"Oh _please,_ Naruto, let's be realistic." Then Sakura turns to Sasuke, "I love you Sasuke, I really do, but I wasn't going to be celibate while you got your shit together."

And because she loves to make Sasuke—and Naruto—squirm, she waggles her fingers with a devious smirk and says, "My hands can only do so much."

Kakashi sounds like he's choking, Naruto starts bleeding slightly from his nose, and a healthy blush crawls up Sasuke's neck to his face. It only makes her laugh so much more, because they _really_ thought she was holding out for the last Uchiha!

Admittedly, she waited for him until she was 17, but she was a teenager with hormones and things just happen when those pesky little things get involved. There's an awkward pause as everyone regains their bearings after Sakura pretty much tells them she has a secret sex life and she just, well, waits.

Naruto recovers first and growls, "Who was he?"

"Who were _they."_ Sakura corrects and her boys dissolve into sputters and silence once more.

Honestly, with the way they're acting, Sakura would be inclined to believe that they were virgins themselves. But, unlike them, Sakura is a woman and women gossip and she knows that the men of Team 7 have their own conquests.

And besides, it's not like she's slept with like, the whole village, or something. She's had three sexual partners in her lifetime and each had lasted for quite a while. Rolling her eyes, Sakura turns to her mission leader.

"So, Kakashi," Sakura says, immediately noticing that Kakashi seems lighter somehow, "What are the mission details?"

"Well," Kakashi drawls, "We'll rendezvous at the gate in five days at 0400…"

As she listens and takes mental notes on the mission's details, pocketing her own scroll that he _just_ gives her in the process, Sakura notices that all reservations about her going have all but disappeared. It was like he didn't want her going because he thought she was a virgin. It was chauvinistic and also kind of cute.

Kakashi departs with a lazy wave in a poof of smoke, and when Sakura turns around to address the rest of Team 7 she finds that neither Sasuke or Naruto can look her in the eyes.

"Oh, _c'mon_ , guys!" Sakura huffs, very amused and slightly put out, "Were you really so surprised?"

"Uh _, yeah!"_

"Tch."

Naruto seems more agitated than Sasuke, though the raven haired man is obviously pouting, and Sakura takes the diplomatic approach.

"Why are you two so surprised?" She asks, already knowing the answer and her eyebrow starts to twitch, "I'm a grown ass woman."

However, she _is_ surprised when both Naruto and Sasuke level her with weighty stares and say, "You're Sakura and they don't deserve you."

And it's so sweet, because really, all they want is the best for her; and despite everything that's happened, they _do_ love her and she loves them _sososo_ much and Naruto is speaking and sometimes he can be so sweet—

"Besides, if you're as scary as you are in a fight, I can't even _imagine_ what you're like in bed…Actually, wait, I can."

_"_ _NARUTOOOOOO!"_

**.**

**.**

_tbc_


End file.
